I have too much debt: should I come clean to my loved ones?

When you check your bank statements, you feel your anxiety increasing. Your debts have accumulated and you have difficulty making payments. But should you talk to someone about your debt? Should you tell your loved ones everything? Here are a few tips to help you through this rough patch.

In short

Wondering whether you should tell your loved ones everything about your debt? Here are a few key points to consider:

  • Keeping your debt a secret can increase your stress and sense of isolation.
  • Share your worries with someone you trust at the right time and at your own pace.
  • Decide who to confide in and how much information to share. Not everyone needs to know.
  • Share how you feel without going into detail. You’ll reduce your stress.
  • Make your expectations clear. You’re seeking support rather than solutions.
  • If you prefer, call on professionals like those at Raymond Chabot before speaking to your loved ones.

Is telling the truth always a good idea?

Unfortunately, this isn’t a “yes” or “no” question. Before you share your story, take a moment to consider your needs and your relationship with the person you plan to confide in.

There are several reasons why talking about your debt can truly help you.

  • An emotional weight will be lifted off your shoulders. Since you can stop pretending, you’ll breathe a sigh of relief.
  • You’ll benefit from concrete support. A helping hand, advice and reassurance are all valuable.
  • You’ll avoid misunderstandings. Hiding debt from your partner or roommate can lead to more serious conflict  down the road.
  • You’ll feel less isolated and alone once you share what you’re going through.

However, in certain situations (if you fear a violent or controlling reaction or harsh judgment from your entourage, for example), you should keep information to yourself. In this case, it’s best to first speak with a professional such as one of our Insolvency Counsellors. They can support you without judgment and propose solutions to settle your debt problems.

How can you discuss your debts without feeling guilty or judged?

If you decide to talk to a friend or a loved one, here are a few tips for making the conversation as smooth as possible.

  • Carefully choose the time and the person (a quiet moment with someone you trust).
  • Proceed with caution. You don’t have to go into too much detail. Be honest and explain your situation at your own pace.
  • Clarify that you’re taking this seriously and mention the steps that you’ve taken or plan to take.
  • Set boundaries. You’re asking for support and not a magic wand. For example, you could simply say, “I’m having financial difficulties. I’ve racked up debt and it’s weighing on me. I needed to talk to someone.” Simply sharing your story will be a great help.

Do you have to tell everyone about your debts?

No, you don’t. Choosing to confide in someone doesn’t mean that everyone needs to know. You have the right to decide who to talk to and how much to disclose.

  • Your partner: Transparency is often essential, especially if you combined your finances.
  • Your family: Open up to a family member who can listen without judging.
  • Your friends: Choose only one sympathetic ear. Avoid sharing your problems with several people since each individual could have a different opinion.

In all cases, the most important thing is that you feel heard, respected and supported.

In short, living with debt is very stressful in itself. And if you remain silent for fear of being judged, you’ll simply add to your stress. Discussing your financial problems, even with one person, can make a huge difference. It’s the first step towards regaining your peace of mind.

You can also call on professionals such as our Licensed Insolvency Trustees. They’re trained to support you, without judgment. They can help you take stock, assess your options and gradually regain control. Also, if a loved one has accumulated debts, this article outlines how you can help them.

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